Stories of my Life And My Eternal Love

2008-12-15T21:34:00.008+08:00

Bao bei forever ! Warmth hug I love it !

Her alluring smile paints the colours of my dreams passion and affection flowing with such an ease

Sian ah it is a boring monday. I guess it is time to blog again haha. This time is all about rolling good times lol.

All started out on friday. After work went to do my leg tatoo. This time i did a hanya face. After that went with dar dar to esplanade to eat at the place i call glutton, where dar dar call it makansutra but the place is actually called makansutra glutton tab ? i think haha. We always have this problem as esplanade which is cant find the bustop on the way home =.= and dar dar will be there cursing and swearing with the little impy grumpy boiling face hahaha. Then we took bus 10 home.

Saturday was a double celebration day. Bought buffet for my future mother to celebrate her birthday. Yeah invite Hwee ying and family. They bought birthday cake. I hope auntie is happy ^^. By the way during photo session i was damn happy haha. Suppose to be a family pic for uncle auntie and dar and fif, but i was call in by uncle to take the Quan jia fu hahahaha. I was happy with joy cos i am like part of a family wahahahahahahaha. I can still feel the happiness while typing here lol.

Lol this was the Quan jia Fu ^^

After that at night rush down to charmaine birthday, called clayton to chiong down haha. Blanjah him 1 pack of ciggy and treated him fish and chip from jazz pub. And as usual ... all got emo after drinking ( Girls problem... Sian.... But clayton and me was happily smoking together will waiting for the long night to end =.=)

My most steady bro, Claypot 0.0

My sex scandal, ZhengRong (Stacey Isabella)

My true love von (XII) my impy little bao bei !!

Thats about all after that went home by cab....

Ok signing off soon ... before i do that gonna talk some things about today, Met dar dar after work today and went to tampines to eat pasta mania. After that went toyrus to shop for toy then also bought ourself new lenses brown green and blue haha. Cant wait to try out the new brown. Went watsons buy hair removal and facial wash after that dar dar went to shop and save to buy biscuit and we went home. Dun forget our pinky promise =X

^^ All i wish for christmas is a converse shoe, a converse shoe , a converse shoe

All i wish for christmas is to be with dar, to be with dar, to be with dar !!

2008-11-24T18:55:00.011+08:00

I may talk or laugh too loud so that no one knows i am sad

Didnt go to work today, just felt so tired. Dar sent me to doctor around 3 plus today despite her stomach pain. I reali like want to cry whenever i see her in pain. Bought for uncle a tape player so that he can catch bird with it. Could be my last gift already. Went to eat tim sum after that and dar told me that that place we went have a lot of memories, thanks for sharing with me and that i can be part of a memory to this place.

Back to dars place after that. I really have too many things that i did to hurt her. I really hope i can turn back time to do everything correctly. I really did a lot of things that i dun think she will ever forgive me even if 10 years down the road. Its gonna be dinner time soon. Will this be my last dinner together ? I know after today i leave dars house, it could be the last i see her. She may just mia forever. Leaving after today is prepare to say bon voyage.

Recently damn pissed with all the fucking sluts. They are fucking lowdown and loves to bother about others life just hope they die. I reali fucking hate them, maybe when my tolerance reach the max i will just fucking stab them one by one. Just try me.

Dar have been nice to me awhile but when she thinks about my past again she gets angry. I dun blame her. I was a fucking jerk. Maybe its a retribution for me that i love her so much now that she dun even love me anymore. Its so sad to lose the love of someone whom you love so much, its all fated, heard that even we are together dar will never wanna marry me at all. Well i know i hurt her very very much really nothing i can do to make her happy or love me with all her heart again.

Listening to dir en grey cage now. This song alone has so much feelings too. Listen to it quite often when we dar.

Well going for my "last dinner" now. All the best to me. Love dar for ever.

Saddest moments
Clarence Kobain

2008-09-08T14:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I want to break out of his vacuum but I just can’t. The space demons keep calling me back into the void. I feel comfortable there

Hi Blog,
I am back here again but this time my life is filled with sadness. I dun think my life will ever be the same again. It just will never be the same again. I lied to my love ones. I fucking lied to my love one. I fucking just did it again. I fucking hate myself. I just wish i can die right away. My life is given to me to suffer and to make my love one sad. What the fuck i am just what the fuck ...
Many things just keep on happening. I lose my love ones once, twice thrice. This time i got my love one back, but the feeling is like i am gonna lose her anytime just anytime. I try so hard to hang on but is it a good idea ? I really dunno. I am willing to be treated just like a worthless guy that dun exist, but will the opposite side be happy ? Why must i be so selfish. I cant lose her cos i am in pain, but i can feel her pain too her real pain but i just cant let her go. I am really just feeling so sick. Why do i always have to feel sick at the thought of losing her ? why do i always get all shaking when i am gona lose her ? Why do i have to be such a fuckup person if i was worried all this to happen in the first place. Fuck me . Fuck this world. I hate my life !!!! Maybe one day when i cant take it anymore i will just go in silence just in silence, i realy cant face this world anymore. My anniversary is coming soon, but does it make a difference ? I never make her happy. I am just so fuckup. I tried and tried and tried but why do i always have to make the same mistake. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK i reali FUCKING hate myself.

I am really feeling so miserable, i can feel her pain too. Its just so pain. I really wish i have a time machine or to start brand new again with the person i love. But somehow that is impossible. I will just cherish my final moments with her. Even if i was to lose her again, i wish that something just happen to me before i lose her. I just hope the ending is "Clarence Died and left his loves one". All my dreams and hopes shattered. I really never love someone so much before. Why is love so painful when a bad mistakes happens. When can i ever be a better person ? I really tried. Will my life ever be back to normal again ? I Dun think so. I am just so hurt nw and i am really sad. All my life and my 26th years of life is just fucking wasted. So fucking wasted. I am even worst than an animal. Cos animals wont even hurt their love ones. I really want to end my life so much, but a promise that i cant break anymore, i reali reali pray god take me away on his own accord and nt me who end it cos i reali dun want to break any promises. Its realli so pain as i am stuck in the middle. Will there be life after death ? Will it be too late if i reborn and start chasing the girl i love again ? Will the time difference be far apart ? If i really have a chance i really wanna do all this again. But i guess i will never have again. I will never have again. My lifIte just so fuckup. I really cant describe how much more i hate myself than i love my love ones now. Its all about hate. Fuck me and fuck the world that brought me here.

If i had a chance again which i dun think i will ever have is to treat my love one all my best and never make that fucking mistake of mine in lying again cos its just the most fuckup shit a person in life can do. Fuck me. Seriously i have no mood to do anything at all. Its just never the same again, i am feeling nauseous everyday cos of me being emo. I wake up in fear everyday after a short nap. A sudden waking up from bed can just make my heart goes thumbbing like a double padal drum playing. Its reali so frightening. I guess i have never been so frighten in my life before. Never was so frightened. Its worst than being afraid of demons or devils coming to take my life. Will things ever change for the better ? I Really duno. I reali duno. I reali fucking duno. Again I wanna get the fuck out of this world !! ITs reali so pain pain pain pain i reali cant take it anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna leave this world but i cant, i wanna die but i cant, i know i am a coward that i cant solve things and just wanna end things the easy way. But i am just so afraid of pain nw, it reached to the point that pain cant solve anything anymore. Dying is nt so frightening as feeling pain. I reali hope i can just go or just break down all of a sudden and forget everything.
Satan do you wanna buy my soul ? I wanna sell it free of charge cos i dun think my soul is worth anything also. I am just a wasted useless fuckup person who wasted earth resources and space for 26yrs of life. Pls take me just fucking take me away!!! Fuck me kill me pierce my heart with your horns !!! Do anything u want just take me !!!

Paranoia Useless Wasted Fuckup Worthless Clarence

08 Sept 08

2008-09-08T13:45:00.010+08:00

Sometimes I want to break out of his vacuum but I just can’t. The space demons keep calling me back into the void. I feel comfortable there

Hi Blog,

I am back here again but this time my life is filled with sadness. I dun think my life will ever be the same again. It just will never be the same again. I lied to my love ones. I fucking lied to my love one. I fucking just did it again. I fucking hate myself. I just wish i can die right away. My life is given to me to suffer and to make my love one sad. What the fuck i am just what the fuck ...

Many things just keep on happening. I lose my love ones once, twice thrice. This time i got my love one back, but the feeling is like i am gonna lose her anytime just anytime. I try so hard to hang on but is it a good idea ? I really dunno. I am willing to be treated just like a worthless guy that dun exist, but will the opposite side be happy ? Why must i be so selfish. I cant lose her cos i am in pain, but i can feel her pain too her real pain but i just cant let her go. I am really just feeling so sick. Why do i always have to feel sick at the thought of losing her ? why do i always get all shaking when i am gona lose her ? Why do i have to be such a fuckup person if i was worried all this to happen in the first place. Fuck me . Fuck this world. I hate my life !!!! Maybe one day when i cant take it anymore i will just go in silence just in silence, i realy cant face this world anymore. My anniversary is coming soon, but does it make a difference ? I never make her happy. I am just so fuckup. I tried and tried and tried but why do i always have to make the same mistake. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK i reali FUCKING hate myself.

Satan do you wanna buy my soul ? I wanna sell it free of charge cos i dun think my soul is worth anything also. I am just a wasted useless fuckup person who wasted earth resources and space for 26yrs of life. Pls take me just fucking take me away!!! Fuck me kill me pierce my heart with your horns !!! Do anything u want just take me !!!

Paranoia Useless Wasted Fuckup Worthless Clarence

2008-08-28T01:25:00.007+08:00

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with ^^

Hello Blog !!

Yeah it is my birthday today. Went to hwee ying house with dar to visit her as she was not feeling well. Along the way i repair she zhe computer.

After that they decided to order pizza. On the way everyone wished me happy birthday. Though there is only a few of us, but i tell you the feeling feel so much of a family warmth especially dar dar is with me also. Then came clayton sms. I really damn touched leh until want to cry. My only friend who sms me happy birthday hahah. Its been like 26 yrs liao no one ever celebrate with me. Wahahaha really damn happy.

After that dar send me home, i am even happier. Because first vehicle i get to sit on is on dars bike. Really feel so romantic and it is the first time i hug her while on the bike while on the journey she send me home, the feeling is really so soooooooo nice !! I can say i really feel like screaming i am so happy today, I can say it marks the happiest birthday of my life. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!

Ok i cant wait till later going to have dinner with dar and parents. Gonna have tepan yaki wahahahahahahahah yeah yeah yeah

DAR DAR DAR DAR !! Thanks so much and I love u 4ever !!!!!!!!!!!

Birthday Wish : Wish that dar will be with me forever and she can share my joy with me till the end of time. I hope i can marry dar dar soon because i really love her a lot.

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!!!!!!

2008-08-24T22:25:00.008+08:00

Take my pain away, by holding me all day.

Ok was at home with dar almost the whole day yesterday. Woke up around 12pm and we ate Nasi Campur which auntie bought. Feels so nice to eat with dar and family. I just wish i had this kind of warmth feeling all the time.

Ok basically we slack at home all the way doing our usual stuff like watching movie online, watch ghost hunters haha.

Evening we met clayton to go to east coast for joyce birthday. Took a cab down. I think this few days i have been walking in the rain non stop haha.

While waiting for jouyce to be free, we just slack around after eating. Took some pictures together with dar and brother clayton.

By the way dar dar really look so cute, look at the way she holds the bread while eating using two hands hahahaha.

Ok waited so long and finally joyce was back from doing all her stuffs and finally we had the normal drinking session. Really waited until like the end of the world =X Dar didnt really drink much because she was in pain of bad gastrict. Send her back after that, and finally when reach our destination dar vomited again and i was like walk beside her and started vomiting also hahaha. I tell you when this happen you think back really fucking funny lah. Its like both side by side vomiting and just below auntie karens room hahaha If there isnt any rain i think she would have smelt the smell. I cant stop laughing haha. Ok when reach back home as dar's home heater spoil we bathe cold water. COLD WATER leh in this cold weather early in the morning 4 - 5 am hahaha. Really damn cold its like bathe already keep jumping around hahahaha.

Ok then we slept all the way after that. And today when we woke up its like already time for our usual drum lessons. Still a rainy weather and took a cab there because we are almost late le. After lessons we took a train home and have dinner together. Dar dar is taking a nap now after telling me dont doze off =X

I love dar dar forever !!!!! i Cant lose her !!!! I want her to be my lao po !!!!!!!!

2008-08-24T21:41:00.024+08:00

Where love is, no room is too small

Hello Diary,

Yeah was on leave on friday. Went to meet dar in the morning as we had apppointment to cut and dye hair around 10 am. So we eat wonton noodles before the shop open.

Finally i Cut my hair short haha. I decided to have ash colour again i dunno y i just like that colour but some say i look old with this colour and as for dar she dyed something not so bright. We spent about 3 hours plus in the saloon. My ass and body quite aching =.=. Dar really look so faminine in the pic below so sweet haha.

Ok after our saloon we went back home awhile for me to test out my new contact lens. First time i am wearing it and i almost gave it up. So hard to put it in becos even before my fingure reach my eyes my lid close already =.= Dar was about to throw her temper when i wanted to give up and i manged to put it in hahahaha. Thanks dar your temper boost up a person at times =X.

And yeah after that we went to far east to look for one of our favourite neo machines but so sad the shop like close down already. So no choice we went to have our "lunch" first at my favourite all time place the chicken cutlet rice shop haha and dar took fish and chips this time round.

After that we walked to cine to take neo prints and yeah finally got new new pics with our new look haha. Gonna post the rest of pics in friendster !!

After that we went down to cathay to watch a new horror show 4BIA. I tell u ah really a lot of shocking scene but really a nice show. Hmm but i really felt so happy for the day. Its been quite a long time alaready since I went to cinema to catch a show also. But all i know i cherish every moments i can spend with dar every single bit of it.

2008-08-18T11:28:00.008+08:00

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go

Hello Blog,

Here i am again. How i wish i can turn back time and not doing so much harm or hurt to dar...

Ok start with friday on the 15th of August. Met dar at bugis with her friends for dinner to celelbrate bev birthday. I was really happy that i can have the chance to be with her again. Bought dar a 10 piece ROYAL Chocolate from prestat as i feel this kind of chocolate is only for Royal queen devon to eat. We ate at NYDC. We took red hot chilli pepper with rice.

I am feeling really better after with dar dar but i still have that very bad paranoia fear in me, it still keeps happening every now and then that makes me shiver but i gotta keep it inside me. I hope time will make us better. And i really wanna have a better future with dar till the end of time.

Went shopping with dar dar the next day on 16th Aug. We went to shop for dars dress and shoes and shawls. Dar really look so Sweet in the dress. ( More pictures will be uploaded here once i transfer) She really walks quite well with high heels though =X Dar if you really dun want wear the heels it is ok leh, i didnt force you, just make sure you walk properly, but you really look like a queen with dress and heels haha. I guess it will even look so sweet if you wear the "crown" ? or the one Juliet wear on the head dunno wat is it called haha.

Then dar help me choose my clothes from messy industry and after trying on she say i look quite good in it. Thanks for helping me choose my clothes dar if not i also dunno wat to wear le. I cant wait to go with you to my company dinner and dance. It is just feeling so couple liked when we attend this kind of occasions, thats my main reason i wanna go, Sorry i didnt tell you before booking table =X It wont happen again.

17th aug we went for our usual drum lessons. It was really fun, but i again had this thought in me again. As i was playing the drums this thought just keep going in my mind.. Will we ever complete the whole course together and get the cert ? I really dunno and i was starting to not concentrate anything at all. If i lose my dar, Seriously my life is all empty. There are a lot of things i will not do anymore, because everything just reminds me of her, like taking a bus, mrt, cab , walking along orchard road, playing drums, listening to music or playing guitar .... It will be just empty so empty. So to prevent all this happening i really need to do for the better haizzzz

Dar just msn me ... her nick puts i want freedom like any other girls.... you want freedom then freedom loh nt say i stop u from going out .... i knw just smthing going to happen ... you told me u always go out all that and dun think so much when u wanted to end last time with that idiot ... dunno if this is happening to me also or not ............ to everyone who read this blog .. i did my dar a lot of wrongs and i lie to her .. anything happens to her is all my fault.. I am just a fuckup asshole low self esteem high ego idiot. I am the selfish idiot and all quarrels are usually all because of my shits. So if u all wanna ask things it is all my fault please dun bother her .... If really anything happens PLEASE FUCKING STOP ASKING ME IF I AM MAD I WILL KILL ALL THOSE THAT ASK ME FUCK SHIT QUESTIONS.

2008-08-11T02:55:00.021+08:00

I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.”

9th Aug

Its been 8th months, since i was here, thought could have something sweet to write but sadness is all i can really say.

It was a saturday, dar decided to come to my house to eat, everything was well at first and in the end disasters happened. Dar went to check my room, and seriously i dun use the drawer so often and i really havent open it for a long time already. But dar saw my old picture with my ex-slut. She say that in the drawer have my pink psp inside and means it wasnt that long that i last open the cupboard. (Well i checked with my mum it was her who put the stuff inside while packing for me -- she got scolded badly by me)

Dar left in a hurry and anger, bringing the food (Longtong, and the satay meat) for her parents to eat. She brought me back to her house carpark and ask me to get lost. I was so sad cos i reali dun think of her anymore and its just 1 left over picture which i totally overlooked. I dont even get angry when i keep finding dar's ex pic all over her place 1 by 1 keep coming out. Is it fair to me ? At the blink of an eye dar somehow went up to her house put the food and left home. I missed her by a step to stop her and talk and phoom she left on her bike. And as usual start mia me already. I blame myself too for certain different things she see in my house but i didnt have a chance to explain <>

As usual my depression starts becos she can always just leave me like that and ask for a breakup. Does she ever care for this RS at all ? I love her so much, but she never knows. Sorry about the picture but what about dome and her for 3 times i found it wouldnt that made me take a knife and stab people already?

This was the highway that i just wanted to jump down and hope that i will get bang by on coming cars or trucks. I wanted to hear dar for the last time. I am reali so sad. I think nothing else except her. But she dun even bother about me. I was about to jump when i started thinking again. Is it worth it to die ? You will cry for me for months or 1 year ? I guess i will be forgotten later on. So i continue walking on and on hoping that i can find dar at her usual place she will go when she is angry. I walked to pasir ris park, i walk all the whole park and couldnt find her. I somehow got lost along the way in some dark mangrove. Tried sms dar but she dont even give a damn about me. Managed to walk all the way and found myself out of the road. Call a cab to bring me back to the fisherman village. Search again and i still couldnt find her. Took a cab back to tampines hoping to find her back But her bike is still not around which means she is not back yet. Again i took a cab to ask him drive around pasir ris but once i see the meter going higher i ask him to stop me cause my cash was totally dryed up by the cabs i took. I walked everywhere till i got lost again i reach a place in the park where there is a horse stable. I keep walking around but just couldnt get out of the same place.(7th month ?) Until i saw a cyclist pass by i just followed the angle he went too and i manged to find my way out. By the time was already 12 plus. I jog back feeling faint to tampines and waited dar under her block to wait for her return. Waited and waited but hopes seems dissapointing. Waited and smoked like 2 packs already. Waited till 2 am, I was so depressed, thanks i got a good bro clayton who came and find me when i really needed someone at that time. I was fatigue, on an empty stomach and feeling faint. Clayton came and bought me a pack of ciggerates and waited with me till 5am. I Carried on waiting until 8 am under the block. I was so worried, cant eat, so lost no where to go. I went back up to dars house and when uncle just happened to open the door. He let me into the house. Talk to auntie karen and found out that dar was safe and could be at friends house dun worry. I was even more sad. I went everywhere to find her till like it was end of my life and found her she at friends house. If u wanna cool down just let me know rather than mia me ? Waited at dars house for half a morning hoping that she will be back, but she did not. Auntie asked me if i wanted breakfast but i couldnt eat so i dun want. I just lay down on the bed thinking of dar and how we used to be together. Looking at everything and remembering when we are together just kept me crying the whole day. I reali went through the trouble to find dar why cant she even let me just know that she is at friends house ? why does she like making me like a fool when i love her so fucking much ? dars relatives were here today .. as i was talking to auntie .. i keep tearing.. a man like me cant handle RS properly. Uncle and auntie asked me 3 times to eat something but i reali do not have any appetite. I went back to the room and thats when my depression reali take place. I kept crying and just wanted to hurt myself to feel the pain so that i wont be so sad. I tried finding for sharp penknife which dar have but couldnt find. So i took the big scissors to force and cut me as hard as possible. i kept cutting and cutting and cutting. How i wished at this point of time i got a reali reali sharp blade so many i could bleed to death. But then i stopped. I was thinking again, all the pain i am going through and the pain from the cuts is for me only. Does dar feel pain ? I dunno, so i stopped.

With empty stomach and high fever which i must have gotten as i was walking in the rain all the while during the night looking for dar, i decided to call clayton to accompany me cycling to search for dar in whole tampines and pasir ris estate as he knows the area very well so i wont get lost again.

I felt that strong presence that dar would be in pasir ris but i still search at tampines first. Clayton was worried for me becos i did not eat and was afraid i couldnt cycle. But in hope to search for dar gives me all the final energy. With the pain from my hands when i perspire i did not want to stop. Cycle everywhere till where i reached a multi storey carpark and cycle up and found dars bike. I was felt with sudden happiness that i managed to find dar and i know that she is nearby me. But again i was having a sudden sadness again.

There are a few blocks there even if dar dun want see me i cant find her still. I started having this depression again. Waited downstairs and smoked again while sms dar hoping that she would see me as it was fate that brought me nearer to her.

And when hwee ying called me ask me to go for dinner with von i told her my situation and said that maybe i can just go get a drink as since i am so near her house. Hwee ying reali was so concerned for me. Thanks a lot. She gave me and clayton godzilla pau but i just took a small quarter and gave clayton the bigger portion as i reali couldnt eat when i swallow my stomach hurts so much. She even cooked fish head noodles for me and clayton but i didnt eat the noodles and gave clayton my share. He managed to eat 2 big bowls after eating all the godzilla pau and a ice cream. Hwee ying even gave me 2 cans of drinks and a waffer to bring out in case i need to camp the whole nite waiting for dar dar. Finished the drink but clayton ate abit of the waffer and gave me the rest but i didnt eat and kept it with me.After that Went back to wait for dar. SMS again but simply no reply. Wanted to check the whole block knocking everywhere but couldnt because of my pattern i guess people wont open the door also even if i found the place dar is staying in her friend could simply just say she is not here. At this point of time i reali hate her friend whom i guess could be tina because i heard tina was staying at pasir ris before. Stayed for 2 hours but then we gotta go because there is no place for toilet there and i am not gonna pee on the grasses anymore which i had been doing so for the previous day. Its the 7th month some more and i cant offend any more spirits. Told dar that i gotta go but i will always wait for her. I was again reali in a depressional state and didnt want to go home. So i decided to cycle all over the area and tampines. Thanks again that i have clayton who accompany me at my most down period. Does the person i love even care if i die ? But i reali didnt wanna think so much if she cares or not because how unhappy or what i still love her very much and i hope we will be together forever and so i will wait for dar. Pass by certain routes felt so familiar paths that dar and me had cycle together before makes me realise even more how much i miss her. I sms dar that if she is back with me i am definately gonna have more outings with her like cycling too. That if she still wants me. depression again.

Clayton brought me to a few different spots i never been b4. And i decided to take pictures with clayton at every spot we go. ( he is reali someone that kept me going when i am so down, withouht him accompanying me and encouraging me, i guess i would have suicide and i reali would) After cycling around i pass by dars house but still didnt see that she is home. I am reali so dissapointed. Ok back home around 2 am as i couldnt take it anymore didnt sleep for 2 days and my gastrict is killing me. Shall wait for dar 1 more day if not i will go liao. I did all i can to find dar high and low with no sleep where she is sleeping at friends house. Even if i go i will still wait for her, I lost countless battles battling against dars stubborn heart. My heart is soft even how bad she treat me i still love her and wanna carry on. I love you dar. Waiting for you return. Pain.

*Special thanks to clayton who accompany me when i am so down.

*Special thanks to hwee ying who was so concern and cook us meal but sorry hwee ying i reali couldnt eat my stomach was very very pain even when i swallow water.

*Great loving thanks to auntie karen and uncle peter for all the care and concern, sorry i didnt eat the salted eggs u cook for me for the first time. I reali had no appetite.

*Special thanks to dar for letting me know how much you love me and how much more i love u

2007-12-26T01:43:00.000+08:00

"Sunshine" and carefree life for us for a lifetime

I pressed my lips to yours, my love,
To taste your kiss so sweet
You held me for a minute, love,
In this moment that did fleet.
26th Dec 2007
02:41 am

How time flies, christmas is over and the new year is coming. I have been with the
girl i love the most for about 1 year and 3 months already.

Went to a few christmas celebrations for buffet buffet and more buffet. Dunno if i got put on weight or not haha.
I was very happy at least managed to get for dar dar her christmas present the last minute. Brought her to SOO KEE Jewellery to buy her a 3 hearts pendent. I reali hope she love it and beos this is also the first time i buy for a girl without a second thoughts about the price also. Well, i would do anything for the girl i love the most in my whole life.

I wanna thank dar dar's wonderful family for getting me cristmas gifts. I am even more touched when auntie karen bought me a converse shoe.Well a little joke brought out regarding my shoe "thingy" hahahah. She is reali like a mother to me too with her care and concern always haha. Nice Daughter with the greatest mum.

Well for today, had some small unpleasant things with my parents. But i think it is better now, becos my darling aways tell me not to be rude and control my temper. I am all grown up, I must think like a 25 years old. I cant let dar dar worry for me anymore. I am suppose to be the one to take care of her and i must do it. Well a bit angry with my mum at first over some stupid actions of hers but i just learnt my lesson. Things to be kept by me keep it... Dont ever pass it to others again. Ok enough of that .. Anyway after everyone cooled down i order mac and treat my mum eat which i think shut her up a bit haha.. She was just talking to me about my future, say she help me ask qian very good. And she want to cook curry for my dar this weekend.....

Ok, i am all alone in my boring room now sms dar dar while she is at work. So miss my dar dar. I want to be with her every mins and secs if i could.

Oh yah last but not least, Finally i got the pics from my uncle after so many donkey months during my cousin wedding at rendevous hotel.

My favourite grandmother of alllllll times!!
The one that i will never forget for a lifetime besides my dar dar ^^

My best uncle eric who always jokes a lot and my drinking partner haha

Aaron (The cheeky kid) and Brandon

Ok i have reali type a lot today.

MSG to Dar : Well dar, for my latest things i will definately update u always i promise and i reali strive for everything to be settled as soon as possible. Dar my target is to get married with u and ask for your hand on 11th Jan 2009 0.0 ^^. Hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dar just remember, you will always be the one for me. Have more faith and trust in me becos i will make sure we just work out fine. Thanks for having the patience for being with me. You are the greatest girl of my lifetime. Miss ya dar, i am going to bed soon hope to see dar dar in my dreams ^^. Gd nitezzzzz!!

2007-12-16T22:09:00.000+08:00

16th Dec 2007

I love your smile and amber eyes
That brought me first to you

Ok, Its the boring sunday again. Why as i say boring .. becos weekdays have lesser time to be with Dar Dar. Last friday was my future mum in law birthday went down with dar dar to white sands to buy a watch. Then during dinner time went to eat the fish head steamboat with dar and family. At least was quite hapy to know that Auntie quite like the watch haha.

Sian, ITs around 10.15pm today liao and dar dar is sleeping. I guess that everyone is tired becos we got Uncle Song ultimate flu germs spread to all of us. Ok lah its a family germs shared around so i am not angry with getting flu this time rofl.

Its gonna be Christmas soon. IT has always been my favourite time of the year cos where family gets together to celebrate and have the seasons joy. Sad but true, Dar dar dun like christmas, I also dunno why and she will be working on that day.So bored.

Well once christmas is over, there is a super important day coming up. DAR DAR BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!! My pressure is on. I Dunno what to get for dar dar but i already know where to bring her, to a very romantic place hahahahaha. This time gotta celebrate her birthday in advance becos dar dar have CAMP on the day of her birthday. Damn the school so many days in the month choose on her birthday I curse the organiser get diarhhea on his or her birtday wahahahaha.

Anyway all i wish for the New year is to stay happy with dar dar always. Resolutions for the new year : To be a better listener and care more towards dar dar needs.

WOOOhoooo... Signing out now....

2007-12-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

No one is happy all of the time, but some people feel as if they can never find happiness. Some people feel as if their entire life is devoted to nothing but pain and hurt and loneliness. Every day is a struggle, and every breath a fight for survival. These people have a deep understanding of the word Depression.

Dec 10 2007

Ok i am back here again after such a long time and maybe the last time. All the times i care

no one seems to know it. Everyone just remembers all my bad things. No point living on, no point carrying on. Life just suck. NoThing to talk, no energy to carry on anymore. ANYWAY

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART

Life is a prison,Oh God let me out.No one to listen,To hear when you shout.Climb the walls of insanity,Ride the waves of despair.If you fall it don't matter,There's no one to care.

Be An Anti Christ SuperStar

10. God, please create a rock too heavy for yourself to lift. If you can't create it,then you are obviously flawed, if you can... why can't you lift it? (alluding to the paradox ofgods omnipotence)
9. Please die for your own sins, it seems once upon a time you made it rain a lot, then gavea guy a boat and made everyone else drown. That wasn't so nice was it? Seems unusualfor a person who preaches forgiveness to send the masses to a watery grave.
8. Please stop people knocking on my door, they are annoying... and they bring children!Which is bad for 2 reasons. 1-Children are an annoying plague, and these door knockers are breeding! I don't want to have to build a moat with piranha's but simplepunnet square style genetics states that doorknocker x doorknocker= more doorknockers.
7. Since you are all powerful and everything, please explain to me why there is a devil.I heard he was an angel with your crew then he went all marylin manson on your shit.Couldn't you have spotted it a mile off? Didn't you hear him playing death metal on his harp?So you made a bit of a cock up there, but why can't you just kick his ass? Or better yet..forgive him.
6. When you make your triumphant return to the earth, rather than have trumpets playingheralding your arrival could you just email me? Caus I hate trumpets
5. Stop being so damn mysterious. Whenever a squillion people die and the human race looseshope christians always say well... god works in mysterious ways. It would be reallycool if you could explain why killing (insert loved one here) will work out into some marvelous grand plan. Or at least, blame satan.
4. Do some more miracles. It seems in the old days you did some cool shit like making wine fromwater. Could you send down the instructions on how to do that, or maybe do it again a couple of times.
3. Could we all just come to heaven now? I mean if we promise to be good. I heard its niceso why are we here? What's up with that.. if you're such a nice guy.. why are we in this hell hole?
2. Find my keys
1. Die for satan's sins. Well, you died for ours... it only seems fair.
Back to has evil Won.

I HATE GOD !!!

DEATH ONLY COMES ONCE

2007-04-26T02:26:00.000+08:00

26th April 2007

For the best Or the worse I don't know Everything change for a reason

Time really flies. Cant get to sleep and so here i am again.(2.49 am) Down with a fucking bad flu. Feel so sick. My heart is breaking up. My mind is lost. Dar say she is going to sleep, called her mobile to hear her voice before I can get to sleep, but no answer. I guess i must have broke her heart again as i am such a lousy boyfriend.

My heart goes like this now,

"I told you I love you, And it's certainly no lie. But is it wrong not to see forever in your eyes? I am in love with you, Of this I am sure, But is it bad that I don't feel secure?

I am not here,Not physically,Not mentally,Not here. I m not here,Not in your eyes. To you, I am nothing less, Than nothing more. Compared to me, All is perfection, Contrasted to me, Everything. In the mirror of your love,I have no reflection...Passing me by, With the noise of silence. "

Went with dar to the church to take some photos some time back. But i didnt go there for just phototaking.

-----(@ As i was walking in, my mind was set, to pray for our happiness, everlasting.

-----(@ I prayed, "Lord please bless and protect devon and me. I love her with all my heart. Please bless us with long everlasting love and that we will never be seperated. Amen. "

-----(@ I swore upon the tombstone. " IF i ever break devon's heart or hurt her in any way, please take me with you"

These are the few things which i did and didnt tell anyone. But now i want all those who have seen my blog to be my witness.

Been together for 7 months. My love has grown very much deeper for devon. Flashback of all the things we have done together. We have many ups and downs.

MSG to dar dar : You may have ugly scars that remains in your heart even though your wounds are healed, but dont forget scars heal and fade away as time passes by. I will definately be there to heal you for as long as i am alive. Believing in me, trusting me, loving me unconditionally, letting go of all the fear, anger, and regret. Knowing that it is ok just to be who I am. Crying, laughing, talking, sharing emotions that I tried to hide for so long, All because there was you. Loving you always.

-----(@ Memories i will never forget. The kiss of a lifetime. The warmth, the love, the feel, the emotion. Sweetest sweet of all. All the pain and distrust disappeared that day, the love that consumed me felt so perfect and so right. Still hesitant to let anyone see who I really was, and then there was you.

Ok, I guess i am signing out now, need to get some rest. Will be thinking of my dar dar till i sleep and i hope to see her in my dreams even when i am asleep.

Devon -----(@ My one and only love of a lifetime.

2007-03-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

Loneliness often makes us think of family and mistakes we've made in life.My loneliness comes most often,when I think about you.

22nd march 2007

ITs been awhile ......... Finally have the time to be back here.

Just feeling bored now and starting to feel so lost. My feelings goes like this

"So much pain, so much hurt. My feelings and memories are like a hurricane.I'm alone, scared during this storm and as the tears run down my face . Seems like there is no way in stopping the intolerable emotions, pain, and frustration that the world puts upon my shoulders."

Recently have been so busy at my workplace in SMU. EVents events events and everyday nothing but events. Got to know 1 or 2 close friends at work but everytime we are seperated when they get posted out. Soon i am going to be lonely at work again. Found a new part time job in clarke quay"China One", quite a nice place. Recommended this job to dar dar also and she is working today while i am off. Missing my dar dar so much. Today is her first day of work there hope everything goes well. She will be knocking off at 2.30am today. I hope she will take care of herself as i am not sure if i can stay up until that time today becos i need to wake up by hook or by crook at 5.30am tomorrow, gotta go to work for an important early event. Gonna be a tiring day for me tomorrow Full day event at SMU and i am gonna work at the pub in the evening until 4.30 am and the same working hours for the following day.

Hope we can get the same shift together else i am gonna have less time to meet dar dar.

Feel so bad yesterday for losing my temper over some small things. I am feeling so sorry. Dar please, I just reali hope you dun always say that i have flings or be with other girls those kind of things. I just get reali defensive for things which i reali never do. I know it is not your fault because in everybodys eyes i look like a fucking flirt but to let you know i am not. Ever since the day i know you, i know my path is to be truthful, faithful to you and i will never have eyes for other girls. Recently i have just a lot of thoughts in my mind and sometimes just get too stress up. Sorry dar if i hurt you yesterday over you saying me with other girls all those stuffs. You will always be my Heroine.

Thinking of you, Thinking of you, Thinking of you ....................................
Missing you, Missing you, Missing you ......................................
My forever love

2006-12-13T12:31:00.000+08:00

The happy hours I spend with you
The warm and tender feelings we share
But most of all
I miss you when you are not there

Hold on to me
Let me comfort you when you are hurt
Hold on to me
Let me love you when you hate yourself
Hold on to me
Let me help you through your trials
Hold on to me
Let me light your way when you are lost and lonely
I am the joy in your smile
I am the tears that you cry
I am in every beat of your heart
Hold on to me.

PS : Dar dar you are the only one that i truely love and will never be forgotten.

2006-12-05T02:25:00.000+08:00

I know in my heart you're the best,
There is no comparison to the rest.

4th dec 2006

Woke up super early today around 6 am. Yawnzzz .. Its my first day at SMU. Bored bored and pure boredom. Go there liao get to know some friendly ppl, irritating ppl, fierce ppl, knn ccb CHEEHONG ppl.

Just gonna talk a bit on the knn ccb CHEEHONG person. He is my so call project manager. Dunno leh some how i find him quite act one kind of seh one. He like some construction worker pattern. Wear short sleeve shirt, tuck out, and use bluetooth with the old school square top hairstyle. Today damn not fair loh.

"You must take out all your studs, it is not allowed here." zzz But when i look at the girl whom he quite close with, dunno her name, dun bother, got nose studs some more. Then he tell me without me asking " Nose studs is ok" knn people got hole can fuck one can use studs. Then later come and tell me anyway u use ear stick can and my lips just put the stick also can not so obvious. Nahbeh sia ...... nose stud not obvious ah. I think i also go pierce nose liao. gan si lang dulan.

Anyway suan le ... I just do my job properly and dun care other things. Look ahead and be an outstanding engineer ^^

After work today, went to find dar dar at craft. Bought transparent ball to put on the lip stud. Ah lian help me change becos my stud too tight liao i got no grip to open. Sianzz still got infection
damn pain. Bought ear stick also to change.

Yeahhh !!Finally the happy time of the day started for me.Met clayton then Waited for dar dar at 445 to have dinner together. Dar dar reached around 10pm and we had pork chop. We had our fun usual chat again haha.

Today got one table with small lian and ah beng all saw dar dar ride bike like " wahhh na ge nu de qi motor che leh" Dar dar so cool until always attract small kids also rofl =X

Then around 12:48 am we all headed back home.

Sian sia .. Just changed my all my ear studs to ear sticks. 2 of my ear new ear hole was bleeding so bad cos i forced the piercing studs out of my earhole violently as it was stucked.

2nd piece of alchohol preps... forgotten to take a pic of the the first piece (flushed down the toilet bowl liao) more fierce more blood ROFL.

Dar dar-------> Sorry if i always reject your offer on giving me a lift on your bike. Its not say you are a lousy rider or what.. ITs just that i got a super bad fear on bike liao.. Ok la i can see your riding skill quite zhai liao (Dun big head hoh ROFL) Dar dar ride bike so cool cool cool cool very very cool. Love you always ^^

2006-12-04T03:21:00.000+08:00

I'm missing you already
You're simply a memory

(My Dar dar, reali cant live without her)

Yeah Just reach back hm nia ... 3.27 am. Just had coffee at 455 with dar dar and clayton. Now again start to miss dar dar so much. =.=

Ok gonna update on saturday. Met dar dar late becos i overslept again ... suppose to do some hdb stuffs but by the time woke up close liao ...

After that met Johnathan at city hall to bring him to my friends shop to do piercings.

As usual like to take pics of this kind of session haha.

Digging for gold =X

Later on head to bugis with dar dar to find my lip ring but cant find .. I think i am gonna expand my piercing size so i can get more lip rings easier.

Went down to cineleisure to find my friends... had dinner at pastamania. Wanted to watch movie but afraid might not reach home on time as monchi and gang are coming down to dar dar house for movie marathon again.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 .... and i am asleep ^^

(Shane .. y u like that ah ? ask you take fierce picture take act cute picture =.=)

2006-12-02T03:34:00.000+08:00

I love your way of hugging and holding me close,
Or staring at my face and smiling, loving me most.

1st Dec 2006

Yeah at the start of the day went back to work for awhile to finish some balance asset checking at my workplace. Its my last day there too. Dar dar accompanied me in the morning and waited for me until i finish work.

After that went for lunch with dar dar and ah ber at hougang ave 8 eating my favourite pork chop noodles. Thanks ah ber for fetching us to hougang mall after that.

Damn jialat after lunch ji tao go and buy gastrict medicine. My gastrict sudden attack again after so long.

Yeah after that went to get my lip ring too and dar dar got herself a dice stud for her toungue. Received news from clayton that the person who dye hair for cheap rate one was not available today. Then dar dar reali cannot tahan liao to have her super gothic black hair, so we went to hunt around the shophouses area for a saloon to dye our hair. Wanted to bleech white but the hairdresser said that it will spoil the hair badly ... so in the end bo bian just dye some blonde colour. Mine was suppose to be brigther, but in the end turn out to be dar dar hair super gold sia.... (AH lian =X) wheres mine turn out to be like just dark brown... ok with me also as long not black hair can le.

Dye-ing in progress
(Always dun want to face camera de ... heeem!)

Next we head down to my good old bro shane ge liu shop cos dar dar wanna do surface piercing at her facial area. See dar dar do liao like damn pain sia ...... i took some pics of the piercing process!

After piercing we met clayton at city hall interchange. Went to suntec, cant remember the fast food restuarant name again (the place which sell super big burgers) for a drink while clayton had his dinner there. (dar dar and me had early dinner so didnt eat) We chat and slack for sometime while my dar dar was busy taking pictures with her super pro photography skill. Thanks dar for taking this reali cool pic for me haha ^^

After that went back to tampines and we went down to blk 445 to relax .. along the way i had supper suddenly damn hungry. Ate bak chor mee....

Sent dar dar hm around 2am before heading back home. Yeah will be seeing dar dar in a few hours time .... hug hug!!

Love dar dar always ^^

2006-11-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

Every I love you, you whisper,
is like rain for the trees,
moonlight for the ocean,
nectar for the bee

27th nov
HAizz its a boring monday today although quite slack at work. Very soon gonna be separated from my good friends in IMH liao.. sadz sadzz ....

Went down to TM awhile to see dar dar after work and have a puff with her before i went home. Yeah dar dar say i no need wear long sleeve when i go her house liao becos she told her mummy i got tatoo liao hahahaha.

Anyway now nothing to do since my dar dar is out with monchi nw and havent come home i am gonna update some stuffs on saturday.

Went to find dar dar around 12 at her place. I brought my mum's home cook curry and a loaf of bread to have lunch together with dar dar. (Dar dar hope u like the food haha) Then after that head down to my friends shop to continue with the colouring of my tatoo. Took me about 5 hours just for that. ( Dar dar reali feel so bad to make u wait so long, thanks for accompanying me ^^ muacks)

After the session went to watch SAW 3 with dar dar, shane (My best tatoo artist cum brother i have ever known hahaha )and his girlfriend. The show damn violent and grusome which is nice!! (Cant imagine previously shane ask me go and watch happy feet sia some more tell me very fierce one =.=)

<--- Custom made body (Brother SHANE)

(I would like to pierce like shane too =X jkjkjkjk )

After the show we went to have coffee at mccafe before bidding goodbye. Didnt go elsewhere cos shane dun want to chiong anymore as he said that he always go chiong sure take drugs so he wanna be guai. ROFL. Dar dar and me head back to tampines taking the night bus 65m and had our supper at mac before heading back home. Finish liao ... Gonna play some oldies game now heroes 3 shadow of death while waiting for dar dar to be home.

I've been waiting for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!! Wahahahahahahahah

Love u dar dar !!!

2006-11-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

I know I love u and u love me thats the way it will always be.
May seem kinda really strange
Its damn sure something that wont change.

22nd Nov

Yeah gave dar dar a super morning call to tell her that i am already on the way to her house hahah. Surprise!!! Then we went down to tampines mall to have our so call lunch at Long John silver's. Yeah met the whole group of junyuan teachers today at tm and had a short chat with them. They were like wahhh ang kong and piercing so many not pain ah.... (everytime dio answer same question over and over again lol to everybody whom long time i never see =.=)

After that head down to raffles city with dar dar. We walked around then stop by to see the barbie performance by some ang moh haha.. I was like imagining if dar dar was doing ballet like them surely damn ke ai one rofl. Then we went to have lunch at KFC after heading to the koi pond.

Later we went for a walk around and dar dar bought me a cute punk kinda voodoo doll, wearing the chain by the side of the pants too just like me ^^ (for luck and career de) and i used it on the handphone.

Thanks Dar ! ^^

After that we went to the arcade to play house of the dead 4. wahh damn hard to play sia never even complete stage 1 die liao rofl. Cant win the stacker game again haizz everytime last block then miss.. one day i sure dio grand prize one hahah.

I had black pepper salmon for dinner while dar had bread nia =.=
Then we went to watch the new james bond movie casino royale at eng wah. Hmm the show is not bad around 2 and a half hours.

Sent dar dar home first before i head back home. And once again i am missing my dar dar the very moment we bid goodbye. How i wish i can see and be with dar dar 24hrs a day haha ^^.

For every tear that falls I will be there for you
For every inch of pain that you feel I will feel it to0
I will be there for you through thick and thin
I will be your rock when you need me to be
I will always be there for you
For every heart ache you feel

2006-11-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

And when my days are over,
My life here on earth is through,
I hope you'll forever know,
I'll still be in love with you.

20 Nov

Hmm still waiting for dar dar to call me dunno why so long, so decided to update on my blog. Maybe i shall start on saturday 18th nov. Yep went out with dar dar in the morning to do 2 more new piercings. Evidence taken !! haha

Vampiress =X (Dar dar dun kill me hahahah)

Shy dar dar ^^

After piercing we went down to orchard gai gai.
But haizz couldnt get to eat my favourite chicken cutlet rice lol becos was told couldnt eat chicken, egg and seafood after piercing leh also duno why chicken also cannot.

After that around 6 plus met monchi bella and colty for dinner at bedok. Then we went to bella house to see her ke ai gou gou... super hyperactive leh .......

PS : Dar dar, by the way hoh, when u sleep u also snore very loud leh i comfirm heard it too rofl. And then you also somehow snatch the blanket all away also =X

Today after work i went down with ah ber to tampines mall. Follow him to collect his winnings haha then after that went to look for dar and waited for her until she knock off work to have dinner together. We went to mac for dinner. Then after that headed back home. Today dar dar so busy on the phone also ...........

Anyway love dar dar always no matter what happens. ^^

<< My sweet dar dar

2006-11-18T02:15:00.000+08:00

As water is to a flower,
And honey is to a bee,
You are always there,
You are a part of me.

17 nov 2006

Life as usual, off to work in the morning. TOday ah ber ask me to help him test drive his fully mod mitsubishi lanc with his new turbo. Show him my ralliart skills, and he was like so glued to the chair ... managed to do drifting wahahahahah ... he was like wow ur driving skill so fierce... Yeah glad my skills still there haha. ( Today test nia ah --on request... i dun usually drive like that so dun get angry hoh keke, i am actualli a safety driver serious i swear .....!!)

Yeah during lunch time today, went down with simon to orchard far east shopping centre. Wanted to get the night job there, but haizizzz the lady say i stay too far then nite transport allowance only 10 dollars per night although the pay was like 1300 ++.... Then in the end went down for nothing... sianzzzzz went to kfc to eat then went back to office...

Today damn jialat after 12 ji tao whole hp battery flat liao....... Met dar dar at tampines around 6 +, then we went to katong to have our dinner. Its is quite a memorable place as it was the place where we first met in person ^^. Then went to paramount shopping centre to meet my other tatoo artist winston to make a new design for my right arm... And wah lau the whole shopping centre was like a land of prostitutes sia... look damn scary.. keep wondering y of all places my friend open a shop there ......... all the class all drop liao....... After that went back to tampines with dar dar then while walking met jonathan and ah lian along the way... We slacked at mac and met johns some really wacko friends wahaha......... Sent Dar dar home around 1 plus. And i start to miss dar dar again. I love my dar dar .....cant live without her.

As the wind blows,
Through the distant land,
My love for you grows,
Never wanting to end.

2006-11-16T02:27:00.000+08:00

And though I have kissed her
A thousand times a day
I would want to make it millions
And continuous without delay

Its been a busy day today at work in IMH. Though been here for about 3 weeks only but Kinda adapted to the working style there, met 2 good "ah beng" buddies there, and we always work as a team and not forgetting tuang as a team also haha. They were damn sad to hear that my last day at imh will be on the 24th nov then i will be going to SMU to work, and they were like "clarence dun go leh stay with us leh, you go liao we sibeh bored"... but haizzz no choice... still gotta go anyway told them we will still meet up even though i am not working there.

Yeah i am looking forward to friday. So happy cause finally can meet dar dar again HUGZ HUGZ HUGZ . Yeah dar dar remember dun pierce your head area, the max is just two more on the left and right side of your lips. Really gal pierce head not nice leh so dun pierce ah if u go do it i comfirm pierce whole face, nippers and somewhere "private" and i comfirm do inplants also hahahaha.

I think we shall watch a movie on sat. See if there is any horror shows keke. I Want go far east eat cutlet rice again huahaha addicted to that food. Dar i kinda miss being with you by the sea, Feels so nice and lovely. Hmm hopefully i can borrow my cousins yatch soon and bring you out by the sea and romatic together ^^

Hugz and kisses, love Devon Dar Dar forever!
Muackks

2006-11-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

12th NOV
I love you truly I love you deeply
Ever since the day I let you meet me

Yeah yeah i am back again. How time flies. Its our 2nd month aniversary together. Been really happy being with my dar dar. She is so sweet. Pics of us taken together. Best pics we have taken together so far haha.

2nd month ani message to dar

Dar, Just wanna say you have been really the greatest love of mine. Without you i wouldnt have known what happiness is all about. You have really brightened up my life since the day i have known you. I pray to god that we will be together through eternity.

Missing my dar dar
Hmm its 3.31am now, dar dar is asleep as she is not feeling well. So heart pain. Dar dar get well soon. And anyway got another poem i thought off for dar. It represents my heart while she is asleep. Gd nite dear, muackkks!!

While Dar DAr Was Sleeping

While you were sleeping I felt your heart beating.
While you were sleeping in my head love was repeating.
While you were sleeping all I could do was smile.
While you were sleeping I watched you for a while.
While you were sleeping I always held your hand.
While you were sleeping I knew where my heart would land.
While you were sleeping you would hold me near.
While you were sleeping I would cry all my tears.
While you were sleeping from you I knew I wouldn't part.
While you were sleeping I gave to you my heart.

2006-10-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

My One and only and the love of my lifetime. ^^

I tried to tell you I love you but the words were hard to find.I'm always thinking about you, you're the only one on my mind

2 Oct 2006

Yea how time flies and i am back again. It is oct. . So sianzz.. not working in alexandra hospital anymore, gonna be in IMH for 2 months.. My buddies and i are seperated, no more smoking kakis also haizzz. Sob Sob .... Took some memories of my working place on friday. 29th sept.

Still remember this note was printed by monchi i think sometime last year. Becos got some people always dun close the door properly before leaving the office hahah. Well she will be going to SCS HQ on tuesday alone.. All the best.. gonna miss all the funny things and jokes we always do in the office and with my buddies.

Today went out with dear dear in the afternoon. Went down to bugis to go to the guanyin temple. Went to ask a qian, but mine was only good for gals and not guys... haizzz. Well just hope everything will be ok. After that we went to bugis junction for a walk and dear dear got me a new handphone pouch again haha. Previous one was like totally "skin cancer" hahaha. Its my favourite nightmare before christmas pouch hahahah.

Thinking back ... quite miss going out with angel in a group also... Its been quite awhile, hope everythings gonna be just fine.

Ok gotta end here. "Here is clarence from School of rock reporting" huahahaha

2006-09-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

Love is like the sun coming out of the clouds and warming your soul
12 sept

Went down to vons house after my camp today. So gan dong that she helped me change my wound dressing and applying medicine for me. Played with ke ai fifi awhile after we headed to pasir ris white sands for lunch.

Supposed to go to the beach but i received one stressful call from one of my old friend. As i wasnt feeling too good, von decided to pei wo go drinking. We went to clarke quay and ordered 1 jug of beer. Stella artois i think haha. After that we went to tanjong pagar bonkers to continue with our 2nd and 3rd jug of beer. Hmmm took quite long to finish that.... recently my jiu liang become very weak .... must drink slow then wont be drunk haha. (Joke of the day, almost see one lady wanna do jackie chan stun, couldnt control my laughter and it burst out =X)

After drinking, we head back to tampines interchange to have some food at Mac. Send Von home safely before me bidding gd bye.

Thanks so much for letting me be the owner of this lovely key chain and i will bring it wherever i go^^.

(11 sept)
To monchi and Von,
Thanks for bringing food and ciggies to my camp for me. Greatly appreciated and touched haha ^^.

To Von,
U have made todays outing a fairy tale of a lifetime for me, one which i will never forget. Thanks^^

To Mr somebody,
My name is clarence and not "someone".

2006-09-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

There is only one happiness in life,to love and be loved.

Ok I am finally back to update my blog after .few days haha.

8th sept

Went straight home after camp. As usual, quickly took my bath then preparing to meet ah von. Von took a cab down to pick me up, while i waited at the usual "fine 1000 dollars" haha
We went straight to tampines after that. Hmmm had so call breakfast at mac.

After that we went straight to orchard cineplex. Bought 2 tix for the show frostbite.
Then almost lost handphone left at counter !! Arghhhhh!! Faster rush back and heng 2 couples return to me immediately before i reach the counter haha. I am so easily recognised =X Thank god !! As time was still early we sat at the cafe and drank some ice coffee while chatting. Frostbite show was damn lame.... didnt know it ended hahaha

After that we went to burger king, i bought onion rings and chicken tenders.... aiyo ah von not feeling well so didnt eat ... haizzz ... hope she can start eating regulary soon ....

After that we took a cab down to pasir ris park. Hmm we sat on the rocks. Just love the feeling to be with ah von facing the sea. Life feels full of hope and extremely pleasant with no worries. Well but then heard some sad news, dunno y i just couldnt control my tears ... it just came out arghhhhhh ............ well dunno wanna say what really made me cry ............. but i just hope everythings gonna be fine....

Monchi went to fetch clarrisa before picking us up. We went to changi to have dinner... and the so call "lao zhao pai" damn kelong.... Cockroach inside the fish head curry arghhhhhh!!! Lucky clarrisa spotted that haha if not either one of us will have extra ingredients liao.

After dinner monchi send clarrisa home first as she was very tired, then we went to out 1000 dollar fine hangout lol. Had a few puffs and chat before we bidded goodbye.

You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes,and her eyes everywhere in the world.

9th Sept

Ohh its saturday again, was in camp for half day only. Hmmm sianz today camp dunno y no food service =.= so skipped breakfast and lunch. Went home, and chatted with von on phone, she heard that i havent eat and told me to eat lol. My answer was like nevermind ba dinner then eat too lazy to go and buy and sick of the food near my house and too bored to eat alone also haha.

After that decided to meet von, we went to suntec. Bought movie tix for the host. Then we went to sit at the coil garden and we chat with lots of laughter and told her a joke about "pak jiao" haha she laugh until cannot tahan. Before going in to the cinema, von asked if i wanted pop corns, i agreed to having pop corns if she was sharing it with me . But in the end she ate like not more than 10 pieces of pop corn nia, i ate about 3/4 of it until i couldnt take it liao. Btw so ps to let u hold the pop corns arghhhh!! We watched the host, lol lots of laughted quite a good show and the best part is in the show also got someone pak jiao huahahahaha really cannot stop laughing ...

After the movie, decided to head back home as von suppose to go to vapours bd party. Took a cab home, and von send me home first.( suppose to be me send ah von home de leh ... after thinking .... hmmm not that right leh =X)

Tried calling von so many times but she didnt reply. after awhile she called back and said she was something like going up the stairs and then phone went off. Called back and arghhhhh no reply again so worried somthing happened, quicky left my home to rush down to ah von house. But before i got into the cab ah von called back again to say she is at home le and she "dozed" off. I was like ..ooohh what a relieved. But in the end i went down to vons house againto meet her to have dinner with her since she wasnt going out liao. Went to her house nearby but nothing much to eat then we went to mac at interchange. Then she decided to go home using bus "11" to excercise her legs 0.0. So i also pei her until she reached safely home. Ah Von ahhhh with ur this condition please make full use of traffic lahhhhhh thank you =.= Lol and by the way thanks ur mum for telling u to bring me and eat speghetti haha appreciate that invitation very much ^^.

Love is strong yet delicate.It can be broken.To truly love is to understand this.To be in love is to respect this.

10sept

Today morning ah von went to collect some of her results. Afraid that she might spoil my mood if we meet up today cos she might not be that talkative. But i was ok with it. Wanted to go to the beach but ouch the sudden thunderstorm spoiled our plan. But nothing can stop us haha

We went to orchard instead. We went to far east to jalan jalan, on the way hunt for a thinner belt for my other jeans and finally managed to find it after hunting like crazy else where. And i found one cool jacket which i decided to get and is posted here ^^.

We decided to catch a movie, we went to Lido to watch forbidden siren. As usual having extra time before the movie we had ice cream at "Gelatissimo". We had choc and rasberry flavour. Hmm Lido was really so cold, lucky had my jacket shared it with ah von .. hoped it kept her warmer ^^

After dinner, von decided to take bus 11 again from tampines. So i accompany her home to make sure she is safe and sound. After leaving her block half way felt someone was looking down when i looked up 0.0 it was vons mum hahaha.

ok gonna sign off here its 4.28 am liao and i gotta go camp at 5.30 am haha. Gd nite !!

2006-09-07T02:57:00.000+08:00

The way you make me feel
(6th sept)

Arghhhhh Was suppose to meet von around 9 + in the morning to bring her to the clinic ... but i overslept !! How could i ever done such a stupid thing =.=.

By the time i called von she was already home at around 11. I quickly took my shower and prepare myself and chiong down to vons house. Yeah managed to play with ke ai de fi fi today. So cute cute cute hahaha.

After awhile we went to tampines mall to have our lunch. We had filet o fish meal, went to buy vcd Mr fighting after lunch at CS laser fair.

Decided to go to east coast park and spend half of our day there while waiting for monchi and clarrisa to knock off from work. At least my leg injury is very much better today, but vons leg was still very painful, kept holding on to her arms as was super worried if she fell or surrounding "blind" people who would knocked onto her. I pray that she will really get well soon.

Finally monchi reached around 5 ... but didnt call us until she finished her drinks and ice cream =.=. We didnt even know she reached already ..................... Later on went to pick clarissa up and waited for her to bathe back home before heading for our next destination parkway!! We had dinner at yoshinoya and ate my favourite salmon rice ^^. Today really monchi told us joke .. laugh until cannot tahan.... huahahaha ( Care bare shine !!! huahahahahahahaa) Last destination was our usual hang out smoking corner below my block before bidding goodbye with everyone.

Wrote a song for von, specially dedicated to her, finally got the lyrics completed, hope that i can finish with the music in camp later on. Hope von like it, its really the "Feel" of the lifetime to have known her^^

To Von :

Song Title

The Way You Make Me Feel( V.o.N)

You make me feel special,
You make me feel new,
You make me feel loved,
With everything you do.

I smile when we are together
.No matter how things are,
You always make them better.
My life seems so much brighter

Chorus
Without you I’m so lost and lonely
I think about you all the time
Without you I cant carry on with my life
No matter what, day or night.

Love the way you can make me laugh
For no reason at all.
I love how no matter what I do,
You will be there to catch me when I fall.

You hold me close when I am sad.
You wipe the tears from my face.
Every time we are together,
It seems like the perfect place.

Chorus
Without you I’m so lost and lonely
I think about you all the time
Without you I cant carry on with my life
No matter what, day or night.

2006-09-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

OK all my blogs have been saved in drafts for a long time, and its time to be published haha

27th August

Yeah i am finally back to update this blog, been slacking so long!! Had a nice memorable birthday in advance on 27th august finally after so many many years.Finally get to hear birthday song hahaha. Celebrated with von and her sisters, Teddy, Clarrisa, Shirley, (Birthday Gal)Joyce and Charmaine. We had dinner at marina south. Then we all drank barcardi. Finally get to blow candle also. Forgotten whats the feeling le after so long hahaha. After that everyone was like!! Cake War!!!! arghhh cake was totally stuffed into my nose by charmaine. =.= Hmmm how i wish von was really feeling well on that day. Always see her in pain i so xin tong de. Von ah !! Remember to go treatment oh!!

Ok after that we went back home, I was super seh liao until sleep in the car. Opps and i lie down on shirleys shoulder even without knowing. Arghhhh!! damn paiseh.

Teddy Rocks !! =X (Took it by accident when i was testing phone) Hope excuse is ok haha
Thanks a lot everyone for accompanying me on my birthday!

28th Aug

Lifes so bored in camp. Got into trouble on the first day of camp... haizzz army is so fuckup...

Ok cut my hair really quite short, boh bian haha. Hmm some ppl say i look better some say i lost the japanese looks haha. Gonna place a picture in here.
Before And After haha. Ok lah i still miss my longer version haha gonna keep long again.

Before After

2nd Sept
Its saturday morning, supposedly gonna meet teddy and clarrisa for breakfast also around 11 at china square for ya kun toast. Met von at Pasir ris park around 7.45. She was basically up the whole nite. So nice, was sure a pleasant morning. Fresh air, nice sweet von =X and beautiful scenery ..with people and their dog gathering. After around 9 ++ we decided to like head back to vons house as I think she wanted to take a bath before meeting clarrisa and teddy.

On the way out, we got into a accident. Fell off the bike. My leg got stuck under the bike. Lucky got banglah come and rush out and lift the bike up. Next worry was Von... i was so worried for her, her leg abrasion was so bad. I quickly got some tissue to wipe the blood off. We rested on the side of the pavement and after that i called teddy to come and pick us up, if not von still wanted to carry on riding her bike =.= so i consficated her keys and waited for teddy to come. Hmm i didnt even know i was injured until so much later. Realised that my jeans had a hole after the fall and my knee cap was wounded. After that found out wrist was bleeding also.. really fan ying chi dun. Hmmm maybe i was really too worried for von ba till i didnt even felt any pain for myself. Von was feeling very very cold, didnt have any jacket with me .. so i could only well lend her my body warmth =X (sorry hoh bao bei, i really damn worried, dunno what to do so .. ......)

Teddy arrived around 10 plus and she brough along some cloth and water for us to wash our wounds first. After that i drove teddys car n fetch von home first while teddy rode vons bike to her house to park. We went to see a doctor. Teddy was so cute haha she help us register to see the doctor and instead she was the one taking her temperature haha. Cant stop laughing.

When go into the doctors room liao really cannot laugh le. Ok the doctor used some antiseptic lotion, and god the pain was killing. Really worst than put tatoo man haha. The doctor was joking with me if i got wounds on my face i definately kill myself and teddy agreed to that sentence =.=. Got an injection also... nw even right arm pain. Aiyo i see von wound so jialat really really really xin tong leh.. Faster get well get well!! The doctor some more kelong leh step of vons feet. Ouch! >.<. After seeing the doctor, clarrisa came down to meet us at the clinic. After that we went to Fish and Co for lunch. After lunch went down to changi beach and sit there for almost half a day. Teddy slept so comfortabily finally. She was super shag. we sat all the way and chatting until around 6 + before we head for our next destination --- Dinner !! We went to the dunno what golden ... for dinner had steamboat kind fo fish soup. We decided not to go to k box but to book in to singapore hotel for the night so that everyone of us could rest comfortabily haha. Teddy send clarrisa back home to change first while she went back to see the doctor as her medicine wasnt really working too well. Branded clinic -- YSL leh (Diffcult patient =X).. . We were suppose to book in to some buget hotel, and clarrisa was so cute to ask if the hotel had any DVD player hahaha. We booked in to Changi hotel for the night. Von and me really walk like old woman and old man haha. Hmm not long after that i fell asleep, shared bed with clarissa and von as i was super shivering, must be becos of the pain. Sorry if i gave u more pain while i was sleeping by kicking or injuring ur leg more withouht knowing in the nite. I was sleeping like a dead person. I didnt even know that i snored .Clarrisa, so paiseh also ah, snatch ur blanket until u left with half a blanket haha and by the way thanks for lending me your "scarf"alamak cannot remember whats the actual word. Hmm check out from hotel around 11 ++ the next day. The pain of injury is even worst arghhh.. I was like totally cannot even move my knee. Von was also in pain arghhh my heart pain also....... We went to change our dressing again then for lunch. After that back home to rest !! Long day!!!!!

4th sept

Still on MC for the day.... So bored... went to take picture of my wound for "remembrance" hahah.. OOhhh its "bloody" nice huahahaha ( 0.0 )

Arghhh sianzzz tomorrow must go camp le wondering how am i going to walk all the way in =X.....
Signing off here need to rest liao tired .... oh oh oh

Ah von ah faster get well !!!

Wish Bear for you bao bei li jing ^^!! ( I wish and I wish you will be strong and healthy always)

2006-08-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

God bless von ! Please Take care !

Ok, I am finally back here again. Had a super boring day at work today, smoked like 2 packs already during my 8 hours of working time.

Wanted to meet bao bei von for dinner, but she had something on. Met monchi for dinner near my house coffeeshop and yeah i was so happy !! cos von could spare some time for a drink with us. Finally von arrived at around 8.35pm, gosh she was looking so weak. As usual she did not want to take dinner, not even half a piece of chicken wing =.= and still "gulp" down so many panadols in empty stomach. Von Von Von please dun ever do this again ok ?? I know you are having a bad headache, but overdose on panadol can "kill". Please see a doctor !! (Take it as i am begging u) And if you are reading this I am going to say it again, Remember the most important thing is before you do anything, remember your loving parents though i promise you something but you just cant rely totally on this as your parents are gonna be hurt.

Went down to loyang temple today to pray, all my prayers is for von to be 平平安安. Wouldnt mind if god shorten my life to replace for the safety of von. Von is really a great friend and i would do anything for her even if it means death for me.

Von hope you will be better by this coming friday, or you need to carry out your promise okies ??

This picture is better and she is prettier than the fallen angel you posted in your blog :)

2006-07-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

Ok i am finally able to update my blog again. Been really busy the past few days and just feeling better after a very bad food poisoning. Feeling is worst than death i guess. Was so touched when von wanted to bring me to see a doctor when i was really too sick to walk. No one really cared for me this way before. Really nice to have von as my friend. Ok finally von is back from genting yesterday, i was really glad. Welcome her with open arms back ^^.

Yeah I am finally able to playing CO with her again. She got killed for no reason by some asshole today. I felt myself really useless that i am unable to protect her. But after some thinking, its just a game it would be better to know that at least i can protect her in real life would be better though.Seriously i didnt know what to tell von or should i tell her. I was so worried that she would be angry with me that i went to CS to have ice cream with monchi without telling her. I really dunno why should i be feeling that way, but i just do. Ok anyway i am really considered a nobody for her to be angry or not. I am just a nobody...... I shouldnt be thinking so much , really...or should i ? I really dunno y ....... nevermind anyway i just hope that von will stay happy always. As long as she is happy i will always be happy ^^.

God...feeling really sick again ..... ending my blog here for the day .. going to take a rest....

2006-07-19T11:00:00.000+08:00

Memories Of The day

Finally I have a bit of time to update my blog. Went out with Von yesterday (Tuesday). We went out the whole from 9am till around 5pm ++. I had big breakfast at mac and von had fillet o fish meal for breakfast ^^. Finally she is having breakfast, which is good.

After that we took MRT to orchard. I wanted to go to Far East to buy belt. But we were like super early, the whole far east was like "Silent Hill" haha. So we decided to drop by at Long johns to get some sprite drink. Hmmm, I was really so happy that finally i can really get to talk to Von with comfort face to face. Its like we were having lots of topic to chat. Von requested me to like ermm, sing and let her hear but i still didnt do it becos i was shy =X. Anyway she will have a chance to hear me sing. Just need to wait hahahaha.

Time pass by, and shops were starting to open. We left long john and shop around for the belt and bukle which i want. Managed to find a shop which sells the things i like and got a nice bukle with metal studs belt from cheeks. Von somehow was like me, always confirm want to get stuffs and not asking the price first lol. The shop owner recommended me one shirt with studs which he design it, but it was too big. So he managed to find a plain smaller size shirt and he will design the shirt with studs and some skull patch. Von say it looks not bad so i decided to get the shirt haha, but i need to wait for 1 hour to collect my shirt. So I made the payment first, Total of $77 .

Hmm, during this one hour we decided to go to plaza singapura. We took a slow walk there from far east. (Seems that actually von knows orchard route quite well. =X Ah lian). The weather was like damn hot leh .... the sun burn me until like want to melt. I dun want to be tanned lol. After reaching plaza sing, I went to yamaha to buy my electric guitar strings and acoustic guitar strings. We had lunch, but von eat very little.

After that we went back to tampines, and we went to eat ice cream at swensens. Von wanted to order merry mint and i heard was like "marry me" =X hahaha I had my usual favourite sticky chewy chocolate. Yummy so nice!!

After that we wanted to watch a movie, but there wasnt any nice shows to watch, so in the end we decided to go home. I was like a bit sian also becos wont be able to see von for the next few days.

Von gave me a call b4 reaching the causeway. At least i could hear from her before the long 3 days which will make me feel like 3 years wait =.=.

After that i continued with playing my computer games. I was quite happy, i managed to complete a moonbox quest as a gift for Coral. So happy, can do something with effort even in game haha ^^.

WAit wait wait wait .... just looking forward to friday .. time faster fly !!!!!

2006-07-16T17:15:00.000+08:00

Memories of the day

Haiz, its a boring start of a day again. Only slept for 3 hours before going to work again. Lifes as usual, feeling sleepy at the start of the day =X. Managed to solved few cases in the morning with efficiency again as usual, cause i am the Pro I.T Engineer hahahah. Had meesiam and 1 chicken wing for my lunch today.

After my lunch, arrows and monchi drop by to office. (Sudden spot check =X). Haizz kelvin called me and found out that monchi came to office today. He called her to do some clearing of viruses. I got buttered again =.= arghh, cos monchi is not suppose to be working today. Well i will just keep my mouth shut from today onwards. Hmm after awhile, monchi decided to meet for dinner with von and clarrisa during evening time. She was so kan ciong that she went down around 4pm to cathay just to buy movie tix- pirates of the carribean for the 9pm slot. Finally she managed to get them !! yeah !!

After dinner we had a slow walk from plaza sing to cathay. And wow !! The place is totally different and clean. I Bought a pop corn set with monchi. Nice. Hmm, I was like sitting on the left side of von again =X. I just like to lean against the right side while von just like to lean against the right side. So i just took a small portion on the right arm rest. Guess what !! I saw lots of "Coral" in the show hahahahaha =X opps. Monchi broke record today, went to toilet like 2 times in a row during the show =.=

Show ended around 12am. Time really flies. Going back home again. How i wish I could have a chance to talk more to von. Even when i reached home, gotta say goodbye through sms. sighzzz

Ok going in for some action in Conqueronline b4 i finish off for the day and hope i can see my wife when i logged in ^^.

2006-07-16T02:20:00.000+08:00

Memories of the day

Didnt go to work today as I had to settle some problems. My phone was like flooded with SMS and calls as office server went down. Why did tis have to happen !! DUH! Anyway after a bad morning, everything got settled down. Phew!

Day pass quickly as usual, Log on to CO, trained together with Coral.

Was waiting for an important call from my good brother too the whole day, as he needed to do some stuffs. But waited in vain, he called to say that everything was cancelled.
I can say that i was glad that have been cancelled, Reasons not to be published here =X

Sad Memory of the day

Von wasnt feeling too well in the late afternoon. Told her to get some rest. She was feeling cold which disturbed her sleep. Told her to take her temperature, and !! It was 38.1Degres Celsius. Got her to take panadol immediately.

Hmm, somehow snowbell and von had some arguments. I really tried helping them to get together again but to no avail. It all started on Friday, which i guess it was my fault becos of my big mouth. =X Well, snow was like asking von why didnt she invite her out. And von got angry as she thought snow was working, but snow was like all the way saying y didnt von invite her.

Snow msn me telling me that actually she was only joking with Von and didnt know that she will get angry over this, and she really had tears falling down when Von was mad at her.In game snow was dissapointed too when von returned her gem and left without saying anything. I really couldnt help much as I am really not in the position or to tell them what to do as if i do so, I might get things worst. All i hope is that the 2 sisters will 4 ever be sisters and do not break up over certain misunderstandings.

Happy Times together

Remember this picture was just taken not long ago for our outings. All of us were having a great time. (Psst, i was the one who requested doing girly stuffs which was having this neo print taken as memories haha =X )

Wish all of us will always stay happy ^^

2006-07-16T01:21:00.000+08:00

This is the first time I am going to write a so call diary online ^^.Hmm ok, first thing first, gonna publish some things about myself ( intro). My name is Clarence Kobain Ang. I am born on the 28th of August 1982, Singapore. I am working as an I.T desksite engineer. I love playing computer games and jamming with my band members. We are known as The Abusers. We performed in a few places b4 like youth park,my company D&D, took part in competitions like power 98 power jam, and superband. Though we didnt get to be the champs, but we are still united as one and take it as a feel of experience. We plan to work harder and have our own album soon.

I used to write diary in my own personal private homepage but not in other places. Basically i decided to start getting a blog because i am somehow being influenced by a friend i know through an online game, Conquer online. Just by viewing her blog, gives you some nice sweet feeling about what u can really say memories is all about. Her nick is snowbell, name Shirley. Some how i feel that it is really good to have memories written down and never be forgotten ^^.

Friends From CO
Somehow i got to know 2 girls who are Devon and Shirley. They are as close as sisters. Really nice friends. Gotten von (Coral) as my wife in game. ITs really my pleasure to have a wonderful in game wife and a nice real life friend^^.